


I'm No Prophet and I Don't Know Nature's Way

by mcgarrygirl78



Series: Coming Around Again [14]
Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Drama, F/M, Unresolved Sexual Tension, post-episode
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-18
Updated: 2011-10-18
Packaged: 2017-10-24 18:23:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,223
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/266503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcgarrygirl78/pseuds/mcgarrygirl78
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He bit down on his lip, afraid that God knows what would come out of his mouth given the opportunity.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm No Prophet and I Don't Know Nature's Way

**Author's Note:**

> SPOILERS FOR Outfoxed. The title of this story comes from the Carly Simon song Anticipation. I wanted to write Hotch/Prentiss but I didn’t think there was any way it wouldn’t devolve into total angst. This one almost did but I was able to find little moments of light, I think. I hope. Also, this is as triangular as I have ever gotten in this possible love triangle in my AU. I'm not sure if it will, in turn, appeal to anyone, but that’s never stopped me from writing. This is #14 in the Coming Around Again series, which focuses on Gideon returning after a year and being with Emily.

The sound of Norah Jones pierced the silence inside the SUV. Emily grabbed the iPhone from her hip. She looked at the display, which was mostly instinctual, before answering.

“Hello.”

“How's it going?” Jason asked.

“We’re wrapping it up soon. I should be home in a couple of hours.”

“I'm just checking in; I know you're busy.”

“Yeah, I’ll be home soon.”

“Well I’ll probably be asleep when you get in. I left dinner on the counter for you.”

“I love you for that.” Emily replied.

“Just for that?”

“Mmm, for some other things too; with all my heart, Jason.”

“I love you too. I’ll see you soon.”

“I'll be there as soon as I can. Bye.”

She ended the phone call and put the phone back in the case on her hip. Hotch avoided her gaze. He thought staring out of the front windshield was more productive.

“I'm keeping you away.” He mumbled.

“Away from what?” Emily asked.

“From Jason; from where you want to be.”

“So I'm just supposed to leave you alone? You needed to let out some steam. I'm glad I was here, Hotch.”

“I didn’t give you much choice,” he replied. “You're in the passenger seat.”

“But you bought me a milkshake.” Emily held up her cup. “I'm a whore for a milkshake.”

Hotch managed to laugh just a little. He still didn’t look at her and didn't say much else. Emily didn’t push him. It had been over two hours since he stormed out of Red Onion State Prison and their encounter with Karl Arnold. Seething, Hotch held the passenger door for Emily, climbed into the driver’s seat, and tore out of there. He was driving a bit too fast but not erratic or dangerous.

Emily watched the signs fly by as they moved down Virginia’s highways. When he finally stopped, it was outside of Roanoke to get gas. They were four hours from home by car and a half hour away from a government airstrip that could get them back to Quantico in 20 minutes. Contemplating what to do next, Hotch pulled into the Sonic drive-thru and bought milkshakes and tater tots. They were still in that parking lot.

“I'm sick to death of this bastard being ahead of me. Now he’s tormenting me through other sickos. He’s a…”

“Weasel.” Emily replied. “He’s a sick little weasel. It’s easy to torture someone when you’re hiding in a foxhole. Going through Karl Arnold was like taking candy from a baby; that man was desperate for a little more time in the spotlight. He doesn’t know what he’s setting in motion. His time is going to come.”

“My stomach is in knots, Em. This needs to be over. I need my family back; my stability. Strauss took my job. What's left? Something is coming…I feel it. Do you feel it?”

“Yeah,” she nodded. “We’re beside you, you know that right? To hell and back we are beside you.”

“I refuse to drag you down this dark path.” Hotch whispered, sipping his milkshake.

“I'm no stranger to dark paths. I'm not leaving you and neither is your team. Don’t say another word because you're changing no one’s mind.”

“I should get you home.”

“Let me drive.”

He gave her that look. Hotch was such an alpha male in that sense; he rarely gave up the driver’s seat. Emily was used to it in the job…she was always on the passenger side. Luckily Jason didn’t give a damn either way; he was always happy to give up the keys.

“You're tired and upset; give me the keys Aaron.”

Hotch sighed, knowing when she called him Aaron the request was not open for discussion. He put the keys in her hand and got out of the car. Emily climbed into the driver’s seat as Hotch opened her door. He buckled himself in while she adjusted the seat for comfort. She started the engine, turning on the radio and pressing buttons until she found a song to put her in the mood for a nearly four hour drive. Carly Simon always soothed Emily. This song made her think of Jason but dammit if it didn’t make her think of Aaron as well.

 _We can never know about the days to come_  
But we think about them anyway  
And I wonder if I'm really with you now  
Or just chasing after some finer day  
Anticipation, anticipation  
Is making me late  
Is keeping me waiting

Hotch spent most of the ride in silence. His mind was racing, his palms were sweating, and his heartbeat accelerated. He bit down on his lip, afraid that God knows what would come out of his mouth given the opportunity. When he was alone with her it was hard to keep the mask firmly in place. These damn love songs, he didn’t want to hear them.

He didn’t just want to turn off the radio…he wanted to decimate it. Hotch knew he was slowly descending into madness; he just had no idea what to do about it. The confrontation with Karl Arnold was the shove that sent him freefalling off the cliff. He wanted to grab hold of Emily but that wasn’t fair. So he just kept falling, looking up at her with her outstretched arms. This wasn’t healthy; he had to shake it off.

“What's up, you?” Emily broke the silence. “You have a funny look on your face.”

“Do I?”

“Mmm hmm. What's the matter?”

 _I don’t want to hear Friends and Lovers_ , his mind screamed as his mouth remained closed. _Anything but Friends and Lovers, please. Damn Gloria Loring straight to hell_.

“I sometimes wonder if I'm going to survive this.” Hotch said instead. “Foyet surely doesn’t intend for me to do that. This job has destroyed better men than me.”

“There aren’t too many better men than you, Aaron Hotchner.” Emily replied with a smile.

“I watched Jason crumble, Emily.” He didn’t want to say it but the words spilled out anyway. It wasn’t if it were untrue. She knew that as well as he did.

“You weren't the only one, though that wasn’t his first breakdown. You're not going to crumble, Hotch, I won't let it happen.”

“You don’t have that kind of power.” Even if sometimes I think you might.

“I wish there was a way I could…” she sighed. “This whole situation breaks my heart. It really does.”

“I need to turn this off.” Hotch finally pushed the button for another station. OK, Debby Boone was not much better. Another button was James Taylor, yet another, Sting. The last one was Michael McDonald. Hotch slammed his hand against it. “Dammit!”

“Hey, hey, calm down. We’ll just turn it off.” Emily pushed in the main button. She glanced at Hotch while also concentrating on the increasingly darker road ahead.

“I'm sorry, that was uncalled for. Right now I just…”

Emily nodded, reaching over to take his hand. She wanted to say it was OK but it wasn’t and surely Hotch didn’t want to hear that it was. So she just squeezed his hand. She did her best to give him some of her positive energy, completely unsure if it was any help at all. Hotch held on tight and placed his other hand on top of hers as well.

“You're sure you don’t need this to drive?” he asked, relaxing some.

“I’ll be OK for a while. Just hold on.”

He nodded and did just that. Leaning back in the seat, he closed his eyes, took deep breaths, and tried to step back from edge of oblivion.

***

It was nearly midnight when Emily walked into her condo. She dropped Hotch at his place, letting him know she would be there to pick him up in the morning. She didn’t like that he wouldn’t let her go up with him but he promised to be on guard. It was impossible not to be these days. George didn’t greet her at the door, which typically meant that Jason was asleep. George always watched over Jason while he slept.

In the kitchen, Emily put on the teakettle. She lifted the top off the platter on the counter and smiled when she saw Shepherd’s pie. While she waited for the water to boil, Emily heated it in the microwave and savored a few bites. It was delicious; it always was, but too late to eat very much. A Sleepy Time teabag went into her favorite mug before making her way upstairs.

“Hey, I thought you were asleep.”

Jason looked up from his notes, glasses perched on his nose.

“I thought you would be home hours ago. I don’t want to say I was waiting up but I lost track of time reading these notes while I was waiting up.”

Emily smiled. She put her mug on the nightstand, leaning across the bed to kiss him hello. She petted George’s head.

“No kitty in bed tonight, Jace, OK?”

“Yeah,” he put his file on the bed, picked up George, and gently placed him in the hallway. “He’s surely out there plotting your demise.” Jason said when he closed the door.

“No doubt.” Emily slipped out of her shoes. “I didn’t mean to be so late but we decided to drive from Wise County.”

“Wise County? I thought you were in Hampton working a case.”

“Hotch and I have been going back and forth to Red Onion State Prison to…”

“Karl Arnold.”

The way Jason said it, Emily knew that he was back there. She didn't want him back there…ever. She closed her eyes and drew a deep breath.

“I didn’t feel comfortable telling you.” She said.

“Why?” He asked.

“Because I can hear it in your voice, Jason,”

“I made myself a promise when I came back that I would never hinder you doing your job.” Jason sat back on the bed. “I intend to keep that promise.” He picked up his notes but knew that was over. His head hurt now and there was a slight ringing in his ear. Sometimes it was so easy for the demons to slip right in. They couldn’t have him tonight. “What kind of case was it?”

“A family annihilator. Arnold received some clipping about the murders…we thought they might be pertinent. Morgan sent Hotch and Hotch suggested I come as well. It turns out they were just a trap.”

“Foyet?”

“Yeah,” Emily nodded, starting to undress.

“That kind of thing wouldn’t happen if bastards like Arnold weren't allowed mail. I thought he was being closely monitored.”

“You know the state prison system; something always slips through the cracks.”

“Is Hotch alright?” Jason asked.

“No. This is going to break him Jason; it’s not a but, it’s a when. I just want it to be over. I want Foyet to show himself and I want to take him down. I want that for Hotch.”

“It’s never that easy.”

“I wish there was something we could do for him. I don’t like feeling helpless.”

“He’s alone, Katya, even surrounded by everyone who wants to help. I remember the feeling.”

“If he leaves me…” Emily couldn’t finish that sentence. So much had happened in the past three years since she joined the BAU. Some things were wonderful, like reconnecting with Jason and meeting teammates who had become a second family. There were awful things as well. Sometimes Emily wasn’t sure how much more she, they, could endure. Sometimes the idea of giving up, falling, felt easier. She took hold of Jason’s hands as they moved around her waist.

“Have you told them that you're pregnant?” he asked.

“I haven’t told a soul except you, my mothers, and my sister. I don’t want to jinx anything; I'm only seven weeks. There’s still a lot of time.”

“I know,” Jason kissed the nape of her neck. “I'm just…”

“You're excited, aren’t you?” Emily turned in his arms. She was holding her nightshirt and wearing a smile that made her whole face glow.

“Of course I am, love.” He kissed her. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too.” She caressed his face and then Jason dropped to his knees. He kissed her belly a few times. “I can feel the butterflies.” He murmured against her skin.

“A part of me wants to believe that’s the baby. I know that’s just wishful thinking.”

Emily finished undressing as Jason stood and went over to their bed. She joined him there, drank most of her tea, and slipped under the blankets. Exhaling, Emily let the heavy chains slip off. Her body relaxed against Jason’s as they spooned. Letting out a little groan, she sat up, took off the tee shirt and threw it on the floor.

“That’s better.” She mumbled, snuggling close to him again.

“I have to say I agree.” Jason kissed her bare shoulder.

“I bet.” She laced her fingers through his as they rested on her stomach. “I'm just glad this day is over, even not knowing what the next one will bring.”

“Sleep, Katya, I'm holding onto you.”

Emily felt herself falling, knowing she was safe in his arms. She still couldn’t help but think of Hotch being alone in purgatory. Emily said a prayer for him, prayed for all of them, and let sleep pull her in.

***


End file.
